4:36:09 AM

Is being single silly - a reader response

Reading Tamara’s article on “Dating 2011: Is being single silly?” brought a smile to my face. It is true – being single is silly. Many people view being single as a step towards being a relationship or marriage. Hence, I agree that being single is silly if viewed from that perspective.

I’m in the interesting position for a female – 28 years old and single. I have friends in their 30s who are single and embracing it. I have friends in their 20s who are single and dreading it. But these are mere stereotypes. In reality, no matter what age or relational status you are in, you either embrace it or dread it.

Without getting a big head, I must admit that when I state that I am 28 years old and single, I get quite a lot of gasps from people who have either just met me or who have become friends and only found this out about me. How could someone they perceive to be a friendly, confident, smart girl still be (gasp! gasp!) single?? I laugh – and with all sincerity. I laugh since I wonder why should there be a problem with my relationship status? Mind you, I think being in a monogamous relationship, and marriage especially, is beautiful. But today is today and that is not what I’ve been called to for today.

As Tamara noted, you need to be strong and able to stand by yourself before you enter a relationship. Agree – but only partially. For I have found that the women (and men too) who are able to have a strong, growing and committed relationship with a person of the opposite sex is one who is strong and growing as a person primarily because they have strong and growing relationships with their family and close group of friends. They have learned to give of themselves to others while developing a healthy sense of boundaries and self. Hence, they are able to create and develop their own identity while integrating the positive influences of those who truly love them.


In a way, this is what Tamara touches upon which I whole-heartedly agree with, “Anyone ‘playing games’ in their relationship cannot possibly be standing straight, standing secure in themselves. And so what can they have to offer to a genuine relationship?”

Relationships result from a continual series of choices. It becomes constant opportunities to give and take: giving of oneself in terms of time, talents and love; taking (actually, accepting) the gift of another’s time, talents and love. Often, popular culture confuses this. Relationships are seen as a fulfillment of an incomplete self, a partnership with benefits. No wonder there is the emphasis of boy meets girl, they fall in love, they complete each other and they will then live happily ever after.

Of course, we don’t live in a perfect world. Of course, we would still like to watch popular movies where boy and girl meet and then live happily ever after. And so, of course therefore, we should keep our eyes on reality and work on ourselves to continually be the type who gives and accepts love (in its truest sense) to those around us no matter what our relationship status is. Of course, I too am a work in progress!


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